Erectile Dysfunction
by vaughnrock
Summary: Summary: a young man, who has leg problem got medicine. The medicine works, but in more ways than one and its giving his life a twist. involves a variety of charaters with edward :D kinda crackficish, but not at the same time, i think you'd enjoy it :D


Erectile dysfunction

Summary: a young man, who has leg problem got medicine. The medicine works, but in more ways than one and its giving his life a twist. You want a little more sprinkles with that ice cream? Read on.

Hi my name is Edward Mason, I've been diagnosed by my doctor of having server leg cramps. They cramp up when I'm sitting criss cross apple sauce style and even more when I'm jogging or running around. It messes me up, so I went to my doctor to get it fixed. Dr. Ova, my doctor gave me some pills called, Veraga. I looked at them funny, they were small blue pills, almost looked like Viagra, but I'm not going there! He told me my doses: take 1 in the morning 1 at night, in between meals. I figured it was easy enough and as long as it got rid of my pain I'm okay.

I left the doctors and went home to my girlfriend, Bella, we just recently moved in together. "Hey honey", she said as I walked into the door, "did the doctor give you some pain medication?" she was always worried for me, she knew how bad the cramps could get.

"Yeah baby, he gave me some medicine called, Veraga, I've never heard of it before." I handed her the bottle.

She looked at the pills for a moment then I saw a flash of recognition hit her.

"You know this medicine?" I asked, I was curious why she would know what it was.

"Yeah, Charlie took it when his back got to aching really bad and causing back cramps. He told me it worked fantastically."

I smiled and made a mental note to call Charlie later just to get a little more insight about it, but for now, I'm trusting what my Bella says, so I took the bottle back popped one in my mouth and grabbed the water Bella placed out for me.

I felt coolness throughout my body, "geez this stuff works fast!" I was so shocked at how quickly it seemed to be working. I glanced at my watch, it was still a little early, but I was starting to feel a little drowsy, I grabbed Bella's hand and we walked to the bed room.

"You want to take a quick shower or go ahead and sleep?" She asked me. I had no problems with getting clean, so we grabbed some pajamas to change into once we got out. She went ahead and got the water the right temperature while I sat on the toilet. I was really sleepy all of a sudden but that all changed when I saw my Bella stripping in front of me, she was completely naked wanting for me to strip down and join her. I striped and we hopped in the shower, she moaned when I grasped her full breast in my hand I bent to lick it and she moaned again, I felt her fingers running down my abs. I took my other hand and massaged her bosom which made her groan with desire; she grabbed my soft cock and-… wait. My _soft _cock. Eddie Jr. is not supposed to soft right now he should be hard as a rock! I panicked as I took myself from her fingers and tried to pump Jr. for better results. I didn't get any; I let him fall back on my thigh as I dropped him.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I whisper yelled. Bella looked down at my limp member once more before she got a look of sadness on her face. I pulled her face up to mine and made eye contact. "Look just because my cock isn't functioning right now, doesn't mean I don't think you're sexy, you know you're the most beautiful creature on this earth to me."

"Then why aren't you hard?" She said quietly.

"Baby I'm sure it's just because I'm really sleepy and can really function at the moment. But just because we can't get me off doesn't mean we can't get you off." I smiled at her and stuck a finger in; it was dry, as the freaking desert, even in this freaking shower! I looked at her confused, and she pulled my finger out of her.

"I don't feel very attractive right now" she turned off the water, wrapped up in a towel and left the room.

I stared at the mirror and gaped like a fish as I went over what just happened less than a minute ago. I quickly hoped out the shower, wrapped up in a towel and went to find her. She was in the living room watching Oprah. I sighed and went to sit next to her.

"Baby, I promise that you are beautiful and the only woman for me, it's probably one of the side effects of the medicine, since I just started taking it."

She stared and the TV didn't speak a word to me, but I sat beside her and stared until she decided to speak to me, which she didn't do, so I gave up and watched Oprah with her. Then I had the oddest feeling in my man bits and the weirdest thoughts in my head. _Oprah her chocolate brown skin and thick body, how I would like to pound that shit up._ I felt myself hardening as I watched her get attacked by tom cruise. I felt Jr. start leaking then all of a sudden I got a slap to the face.

"What the hell!" I just got slapped in the face! That junk hurt like a cold bitch mother.

"Oh, I can't make you hard, but Oprah can?"

"Of course you can make me hard baby! I'm ready for you now!"

"No you are ready for Oprah"; I watched her walk away and thought to myself. _Bellabellabella._ I felt my member soften, oh no! I looked at Oprah hands twist as tom squeezed them to death. I watched her face panic, and I hardened again. _Chocolate pussy that would be hot and ready for me, maybe she and her gay lover wouldn't mind having a threesome with me._ I moaned loudly and jizzed all on my towel. Oh crap, instant ejaculation and you didn't even touch yourself. I rested my head on the back of the couch as I listened to Oprah tell tom goodbye in that weird voice she does.

I got up and went to the bedroom to find Bella, she wasn't there, I went to the guest room, and there she was curled up in a ball tear stains on her face. I walked over to her and she opened her eyes.

"Go away, I want to be alone tonight Edward. She was cold to me. I frowned and let her have her peace. I went to my room stripped of my towel and laid in bed naked. There was really no point in getting dressed anyway. I pulled my little pillow from under the bed and put it under my cock; I use it when I'm naked so Jr. is just as comfortable as his owner and so he won't have a rash or feel a little sore when he wakes up. I was I thrust into the pillow once like I did every night, and I drifted off to sleep.

(.)

I woke up to find cum on the bed as usual but, something was different, someone was missing. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom to pull on my boxer briefs and a t shirt; I walked to the guest room to see her not there. I looked at the clock to my right, 9am, she was at work and didn't wake me to say goodbye. I guess she's still pissed at me from last night.

I grabbed my phone and texted her.

_Hey baby, I love you, hope you have a nice rest of the day at work.  
Edward_

I didn't receive a text back, I shrugged and got dressed, I had to meet people that had to observe my store and how I worked, so I dressed a little nicer than usual. I pulled a black dress shirt from my closet and some black dress pants; I usually just wore a polo and kakis, but dress to impress and all that.

I walked into the kitchen made me some coffee and popped my pill. Last night was one of the best nights of sleep I've ever gotten. I hope this medicine will continue to work for a while.

I ran out the house and ran to my Volvo; I tried to avoid that nonexistent Port Angeles traffic. I drove around the slow cars and got there in 10 minutes flat. I used the extra time I had to clean up around the store before they came in. I walked outside once more to make sure the the sign was working.

**Edward's classic jazz music store.**

It was pretty alright to me. I walked back in and phoned my employees to make sure they remembered to dress nice and be good when they came in later, they all responded with an 'aye aye sir!'

I heard the bell jiggle and watched as 3 sharp dressed men walked in. I started to walk to them, "hello, I'm Edward Mason, and you're…" I waited for them to give me there names.

A buff one walked up to me and held out his hand "Emmett McCarthy" I nodded and said nice to meet you, a blond one who looked kind of constipated did the same as Emmett, "Jasper Whitlock". He said and then last but not least, the sexy one. "Hello, my name is Carlisle Cullen." When I grasped his hand I shook it and his firm grasp made my thoughts go elsewhere.

_I wonder if he would grab my cock with that tight grip, I wouldn't mind pounding into that tight ass any day._ I licked my lips, and Carlisle dropped my hand and backed away from me. He had a disgusted look on his face. I was confused before I felt myself twitch. I blushed and walked behind the counter.

"I'm sorry, uh, please look around the store and make sure everything is to your liking." The others walked on, but I saw Carlisle glance at me before he followed the others.

_He is sex on legs; would you like a bed with that blonde? Hell yeah. _NO!_ You can't be thinking of this stuff, what would be unattractive… dead bunnies, fish eating cat guts, Emmett in a thong, no that just made me harder! Uh! Ahah! Bellabellabella. _Jr. was gone, and nowhere to be found. I know it's bad that thinking about the girl you wanted to marry is making your hard on go away. I shook my head and walked over to the guys to make sure everything was ok. Jasper and Emmett continued to walk but Carlisle stopped me.

"Did you need anything Mr. Cullen? I can help you in any way I ca-"I got pushed against the shelf and a hard dick was pressed to my hardening one, I cursed out loud. I just got rid of the problem! He started to breathe in my ear. "Edward, he drawled out, I saw how I affected you earlier and I just wanted to let you know that…I'm happy to bottom." I sucked in a huge breath and pushed him off me, I was stiff as wood. He took advantage of this, pulled my pants down and took my cock into his mouth. I choked on a groan and thrust into his mouth. _No! You can't do this!_ I pulled out and tried to flee, but somehow Carlisle was faster, he had me in his mouth again. I was close, and I registered that the bell rung. I hoped I would be lucky and have them go somewhere else. But no, luck was not on my side today.

"Oh, so it wasn't Oprah who got you off last night it was Tom?" Bella asked.

Carlisle was still sucking me looking between me and Bella.

"Bella look, I told you it's the medicine!" I tried to grab her but she pushed me. "Get your hands off me" she yelled. I pulled out of Carlisle and he protested, but I got away this time. "Bell-" she ran out the door. I couldn't run after her, I was half naked.

I pulled my pants up, my hard on was gone and I was pissed. (Not about his hard on being gone, I'm sure he's happy about that.) I walked over to the desk and waited for them to finish. They handed me a sheet of paper, it was the grade sheet, and I got an A.

I raised my eyebrows and looked at them, they smirked at me. "Congratulations" Carlisle said to me, the others nodded and turned around. Carlisle blew me a kiss then placed both his hands on both jaspers and Emmett's butt, then held hands. "Gay pride" they all said in unison, and then walked out.

I stared at the door for about 10 minutes after they left and went to close the shop. This was the freaking weirdest day of my life.

(o.o)

I yawned as I headed back home, it was late, I spent a lot of time out today, and it was close to 8pm. I opened the door to my house and locked it back I sighed, stripped down to my boxer briefs and sat on the couch. I turned the TV on and it was on ABC family. Never been kissed was on! Drew Barrymore was so cute. I watched it dying with laughter then halfway through it, the part when she was about to go to prom, she was a 17 year old nerd. She looked so happy she was going on a date with Billy, I got hard. I blinked at the TV then back down at my cock; I looked back up just in time to see her get an egg to the face. I don't know why… but I came, all in my shorts. I was still hard though, this is insane. I stood up ran into the couch, I heard Josie give the penguin speech about love, and I came again. It went down this time, but it's really awkward inside my pants.

I sighed and called Dr. Ova. "Hello, this is Dr. Ova speaking." He said.

"Oh hi Dr. Ova, it's Edward, Edward mason, uh, I was wondering why I I'm getting random hard ons from things that haven't attracted me before."

"Like what for example?"

"Oprah, men, Josie Grossie… and my mate _isn't_ attractive to me anymore."

"You just need to get used to this, you will find your mate attractive soon enough, matter of fact, tell her to call me and well get everything cleared up, because random hard ons are a symptom of this medicine."

"Well thanks for telling me that now doc." I said sarcastically.

"Hey, it wasn't like you asked or anything. Bye."

I hung up.

I sighed and went into my room once again to sleep. I stripped out of my boxers grabbed a wet wipe to wipe up the jizz from myself, I laid in bed, tucked my little pillow under me, gave it a thrust and drifted off.

(i_i)

I woke up and walked into the kitchen, naked at that, it was my house why couldn't I? Well let's just say I found out why I shouldn't walk around my house naked today.

I heard a chorus of screams…and some moans as I stood there, nude.

"Uh…who are you and what are you doing in my house…" I asked slowly.

"Oh!" a little dark haired girl spoke, "I'm Alice, that's Rose, she pointed to the blonde female, and that's Esme, she pointed to the red headed looking mom. _She's kind of hot._ I felt my body react. _Nonono! Damn, I'm butt ass naked and I'm about to get a hard on. Oh shit, it's rising, and she's coming over to shake my hand. What do I do!?_

"Hello, I'm Esme as Alice said, and you are? She held her hand out to shake. _Oh look at that hand, I bet her fingers are soft and smooth, that would feel so good around me. Fuck, I'm hard_ "uh, I'm Edward, may I ask why you are in my house?"

She nodded, and then she grabbed my dick and started pumping. "Oh hell! What are you doing?" I groaned unwillingly, her freaking fingers and just as smooth as I thought they would be. She pulled me to her, and I couldn't do anything but to obey her. As she cradled me to her chest she rest my face in the crook of her neck she continued to slowly pump me as I thrusted gently into her hand.

"Damn Esme, so it really was Oprah that got him off?" Bella? When did she get here? I tried to pull away but Esme wouldn't let me go, she said Bella knew what was going on and she was ok with it. I look to Bella for conformation and she nodded. I nestled my head back in her neck and put my hands on her back.

I'm assuming so, but I have yet to ask him." Esme said. "he's really sensitive, and is really confused at what seems to be happening to him, that's what I've read from him so far, but I'm going to need to straddle him soon for one the next parts, it that ok with you?" Esme looked at Bella; she hesitated for a moment before she agreed.

Esme pushed me away, I whimpered. She told me to shush and move to the couch, I went to the one seater and sat. Esme went to her bag and pulled something out; I didn't know what it was. I started to get a little fidgety, so I started stroking myself. I laid my head back on the couch as I lazily touched myself, spread my legs a little more and took my sac in my hand. If I could lift my head, I probably would have seen Esme with a voodoo doll in her hand, making me touch myself like this.

I felt myself move my hand faster, but I wasn't controlling it. I groaned, stumped my right foot angrily and came all over my chest. But, all of a sudden I felt free, that I could move without being controlled, so I sat up quickly and went over to Esme, "what the hell just happened?" I asked.

She just smiled and held up the voo doo doll. I looked at it, then at her, back to it. I narrowed my eyes and pulled her up, I grabbed her by the arm and slung her into the sofa I was just sitting in. I don't know why but for some reason I felt like being abusive. So I took her head and make her lick the drying cum on my stomach.

She moaned. I wasn't expecting her to moan, Bella said my cum taste like yuck. So I don't make her swallow. But Esme likes it, I pulled back, she followed and continued to lick my chest. When my chest and stomach were fully clean, she pushed me away and ran to her notepad. I saw her scribble some stuff, so while I was free. "You know", Esme said. "I'm a cum reader."

"What's that?" I asked confused.

"It's where I can eat your cum and find out what's wring with you."

I looked at her weirdly for a second then went back to my room to put on some boxers.

I walked back out to see everyone naked, even Bella! I looked to Esme first; she was toned and very, very fine. Rose was next, at least I know her hair color was real, and her breast were big as hell. Alice, tiny Alice had a cute body, she must have know what I was thinking because she turned around and showed me her ass, I know I'm an ass man, and that thing was beyond gorgeous, I just had to cop a feel.

I walked up to it, gently stroked it until I was full out groping her, I groaned as I got hard again. Then way to soon, I was taken away from the booty. I growled and turned to glare at whoever tore me away until I saw Esme with her fingers inside of herself, I moaned. She started to rub my head and pull my hair; I loved that shit, so I started purring. I tried to pay attention to Esme's fingers but she knew exactly what she was doing. She started guiding me back to the couch, with her wet fingers she pulled my shorts down and straddled me, I came on impact. This was embarrassing, I wasn't even inside of her. She tasted a little more of my cum and then grabbed my cock and once again started to pump me, she called Bella over then she hopped off of me.

Bella hopped on me, and moved till I was inside of her. I once again came, and for the first time in three days, I noticed that I missed this pussy. Bella, shouldn't make my hard on go away, it should make it come. I was hard again; I rested my head in between her breast, her nice soft breast, so squishy. I licked her nipples as she continued to ride me. I thrust with her, I was getting close but this time I was bringing her with me. I kissed her kissed and nibbled down her throat. She moaned and clenched around me, I felt her juices coat my cock as I came deep inside of her.

I rested my head on her breast again, trying to catch my breath; she rested her head on top of mine. Why couldn't you do this to me two days ago?" I sat back in the chair and looked at her. I told you I think it was the medicine, I even called doc, and he said give him a call so you guys can talk. She looked at me and I shrugged then hugged her. She hugged me back then hopped off me of me, Jr. was sad that his warmth was gone. I frowned, and looked over to where she just went, which was over to Esme. Esme was writing more notes then she stopped writing and started to read.

"All his symptoms come from his medicine, they screw up with his hormones and make everything he didn't find attractive before more sexy and things he found very attractive…not attractive. The medicine also makes him come quite quickly, or on impact." I looked at Bella, she stood up, and so did my cock, since she was still naked. She walked over to the pill cabinet, took out my pills showed Esme.

"Veraga, cramping medication" she read. Is this working for you Edward? I nodded and tried not to cum, I don't know why, but her voice was so sensual to me. I managed to stop myself from ejaculating but, that didn't stop the pre cum fountain from leaking a puddle on my thigh.

"Is this all settled?" I asked. I was really started to get agitated, I don't know why, I just am, and I kind of still wanted to fuck Esme. Apparently she read this from me as well since, she just walked over and plopped herself on member. I literally freaking choked when she started to rock on me. I almost blew my load, but I didn't, I think I'm about to now. I'm going to try not to but it's not working, shit, _don'tcumdon'tcumdon'tcumdontfuckingcum! _Damn, I came, and it felt like heaven. I felt a heavy blackness come over me and the last thoughts I had before I lost it were, _thanks doc, this has been some of the best medicine I've ever had. Flavor flav!_

The end.

A/N: well, that's my story, I hope you enjoyed it, I know it was pretty entertaining to write :P but yeah. Leave me a review let me know if ya loved it lol. Later gators, Vaughn.


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